July / August 2011 – Wonderful News that Crushes You

Wow – so in this virtual, social networking world we live in. I find out that my older brother and his girlfriend are expecting. What a complete shock this is to me. I am conservative. I am old fashioned and I hold strong values and morals. No shame on me. This is who I am and what I believe. So, I am completely in shock because they are not married and now pregnant? Finding out by facebook is also a shock, what great news, but through a website? Come on. My brother is not close to anyone at all, which is probably why he didn’t just call or email even. I’m not sure he knows how to handle the situation. I’m happy for them, however, I have a bit of jealousy. Trying for 4 years and not being able to have a baby and now I hear this. Its harsh and cruel it seems. I pray a lot about this. I can’t be this way. I need to be happy for them. And accept that this is what God has planned. It was not me to have the first child on our side of the family. It takes awhile, but I settle into the face that this is what is meant to be. I need to stay strong, be healthy and be ready to have my own baby, which means little stress.